eor: (Default)
I haven't said it in a while and I was noticing it specially this weekend, [livejournal.com profile] derien is an excellent companion. I like to use that term because it covers such a wide range of things from someone you go to the movies with, to someone you slog through arduous tasks with, to someone you listen to snore, to someone who you do lots of other things with. Like the term, [livejournal.com profile] derien is versatile.

Most people talk about relationships being a lot of work. Every now and then, ours takes a bit of effort, but for the most part after the initial bumps of learning to communicate with each other it just goes along. NRE involves work, a real longterm relationship involves more paying attention to the tiller than climbing up to furl the sails. Well, I guess that's if you're doing it right.

One of my favorite bits is seeing her when she's crushing on someone. It's so cute. I must confess, I tend to encourage it. It is a bit sad when she gets over her crush, or worse yet her crush doesn't turn out as good as the initial shine might have appeared. It's still fun when it's shiney. I wonder if mono people recognize that in their partner or if they overlook it entirely.

"Every old sock, meets an old shoe." - Kate Bush
eor: (Holmes Watson Top Hats)
[livejournal.com profile] derien didn't sleep well last night. She woke up really slow, foggy, and grumpy this morning. Because of the snow yesterday and parking ban last night we had to get up reasonably early this morning. The van was eligible for towing if it wasn't moved by 8am and I offered her a ride down to the parking garage to pick up the car. I didn't expect her to be cheery.

But we can be grumpy. )

I don't understand the magic formula. I think it must contain a lot attentiveness, a dollop of patience occasionally, and gallons of understanding. But I think it also contains the grumpiness. To make a really awesome dish you've got to have depth of flavor and contrast.
eor: (Holmes Watson Top Hats)
In "To Sail Beyond the Sunset" Heinlein spends a lot of time on his soapbox. It's hit or miss whether I agree with him, but sometimes he hits the mark.

I'll rephrase one of his rules to live by to be gender neutral and equitable: When your partner comes home, make them glad to have done so. Don't greet them with troubles, greet them with happiness and enthusiasm, save the troubles for later. When they are leaving, don't stir up trouble right before they head out the door. Don't make their last (and lasting) impression of you unpleasant.

Heinlein hit the bullseye on this one. It applies to all relationships, but most notably partners/SOs/marriages/lovers. Don't give your partner the opportunity to spend a day, a weekend, a week, or a month dwelling on the fact you're not pleasant to be around. Make sure they think you're great to come back to. Make sure they aren't ever relieved to get away.

Even in the best relationships, partners fall down on this one every now and then. As long as it isn't huge or frequent, the damage can be repaired. But it takes much more effort to fix later than the original bit of trouble should cause.

A stitch in time saves nine.
eor: (Sea and Sand)
musings on friendship and love )
eor: (odds)
I read an opinion piece a while back about the use of vetoes in polyamorous relationships. That caused some thinking, which so far has developed into the following:

cut for length )
eor: (Sea and Sand)
last night I dreamt somebody loved me )
eor: (Default)
cut for length )
eor: (Default)
It has been the best part of a month now since [livejournal.com profile] derien and I have been able to have our normal daily random discussions. In fact we haven't had much of a chance to communicate privately with each other except the occasional whispered comment. Today it occurred to me just how much I miss that. It's not like we have anything life threatening to discuss, it's just that the private banter is one of the nice parts of our relationship, one of the ways it works.
eor: (choker)
This morning the alarm woke me from a dream about chainmaille and LARP. I groaned in my usual morning groaning way. [livejournal.com profile] derien happily informed me she had been dreaming that I was dating someone we know who is interesting and well... hot. [livejournal.com profile] derien was happy and chipper, saying it was the best dream she's remembered in quite a while. Is she not the awesomest?

I wish I had that dream instead of the disjointed thing about driving, chainmaille and LARP. I mean chainmaille is a fun hobby and all, but it is definitely not the same as a good night out.
eor: (Default)
So yeah.

Well things in my relationship with [livejournal.com profile] derien are... )
eor: (Default)
Today was a wonderful windy, rainy day. The wind shook the building at work and caused the walls to creak and flex. When that happens I always get a happy feeling just because I'm inside and dry.

In the last few weeks I caught up on the last two Asimov's magazines. Details. )
Finished the last story today. In the post today what showed up? Another Asimov's. I think I'll put it aside and read something else.

Something I haven't done is write to any of you. I'm not sure what to write. Maybe I'll figure it out at some point.

On the good days I'm overcome with love and a happiness that is complex and buoyant. On the other days I realize I'm dreaming an absurd dream, it's all in my head, the alarm will ring, I'll be dragged unwillingly from sleep, and the dream will slip through my hands like fine beach sand.

"See those trees, bend in the wind,
I feel they have a lot more sense than me.
You see I try to resist." --- Kate Bush "Rubberband Girl"

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