navel gazing

[eor]

A while back I was contemplating the fuzzy grey line between friendship and love. I've had some pretty (ok, very) strong feelings for people that I qualified as friends. Passion doesn't seem to be the key. I can feel very strong physical and emotional passion for someone and still think of them as friend. So I was puzzling over when it goes from friend to lifemate, because love is an emotion that is part and parcel of any decent friendship.

It's not the old in and out, up and down, round and round, now I don't need to go to the gym. You can do that with a friend, an acquaintance, or the spare hand. Way too simple an answer.

For me it's not passion because I can feel a whole lot of passion for someone and not be willing to uproot my life for them. But that's the trick isn't it? It's not just spending your time with them, doing things with them or for them. It's when you're willing to begin shaping your life in reference to them (I won't say "around them" because it's not like that when it's at its most healthy).

But at what point is it that passion, devotion, and friendship take that step beyond? Or more to the point why have some people always stayed that one step removed?

I mulled this over and let it age like a fine cheese. I let it bounce around in my head through the crisp mornings of Fall and into the bitter cold seclusion of Winter. Eventually the solution precipitated and now I'll share the dross with you. This is only how it is for me and since no one else on the planet has any use of this bit of understanding, it has less use than the stuff at the bottom of the privy that can double as fertilizer.

It has to do with self preservation. Somewhere deep down inside no matter how devoted and impassioned the heart and mind are there is a kernel of self preservation. You can love friends. You can be amazingly kind and generous to practical strangers. But it is insensible to change the shape of your life for anyone who hasn't expressed a willingness to do the same for you. It isn't partisan, it's common sense. It doesn't mean the love or passion or what have you is any less potent. It can be incredibly strong and deep. But no matter how strong the feeling, that's one step that should never be taken by one and not the other(s). It's the point at which I start to dance around like a horse being asked to walk over a wooden bridge.

"So I pull on my old wings,
one white duck on your wall." --- Jethro Tull "One White Duck/0^10=Nothing At All"