not really surprising

When I was in high school and when I first went to college my friends and I would grab any opportunity to take those surveys that occasionally went around titled "Do you have a problem with alcohol?" We would have contests to see who had checked off more boxes. Incidentally, I always lost because I never missed work because I was too drunk to go.

This month my employer is offering as a benefit free anonymous web based mental health screening for employees. As Richard Dawson used to say, "Survey says!"

Your screening results are consistent with symptoms of clinical depression.

Yeah, nothing new here. Weird survey though. It was worded so that only the most recent two weeks was a factor in most of the questions. So if someone was horribly depressed for 10 months but came back up in the last month it would have diagnosed no problem.

It is recommended that you speak with a health professional to review your drinking pattern and learn ways to cut back.

Bite me. My small intestine is going to give out before my liver anyway.

Your screening results are consistent with symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder.

Oh, that's a new one. Maybe I'll go have a drink and dream of suicide to celebrate.

In the no surprise department, my highs are not high enough to qualify for bi-polar and I don't appear to have an eating disorder.