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this table is reserved
I'm hoping to come up with some kind of coherent thought here, but my head is all stuffed up and I'm sneezing so don't count on it.
A while back I said to myself, "Self, why are people so reserved?" Self looked at me with mildly amused scorn and handed me a mirror. "But I'm not reserved with people I know well!" I said. Self rolled its eyes, cocked its head and looked at the ceiling sceptically. "Well, not people I know really, really well and trust and stuff." Self went off to look for a pig to teach German.
Well, you could say I'm from good old Puritan New England. I know it's a cliche and a stereotype, but sometimes cliches fit and sometimes stereotypes are partially based in reality. I was raised by my family. My family are world class (how to put this nicely) subtle communicators. Our idea of a knock down blowout fight is one very well placed and heavily laden sentence spoken in a matter of fact tone followed by a pause and perhaps in extreme cases a Look.
I have only recently learned how to accept compliments. It's not that my family never showed appreciation, but it was most often more subtle than coming out and making an overt statement. It took me effort as an adult to learn to express that mixture of gratitude and humility that I feel when I get a compliment (plus get passed the embarrassment of being made a fuss over). Still to this day I sometimes get caught off guard and blow it.
Is it nature or nurture? I don't know. But it's hard to overcome, especially when it's reinforced by the society you live. Does it need to be overcome? Well, in some ways it would be good. My best humor tends to only come out when I'm willing to goof and go with it. My most far ranging ideas only come out when I'm not worried about offending or getting into an argument. My deepest feelings only come out when I get some sense that they won't offend, injure, or simply embarrass. Some of that can come out to strangers, if I'm in a don't-give-a-shit attitude, but mostly it comes by phases when I know people. But you only get to know people, really, when you each do that.
There was only one catch, catch-22.
(Really I do laugh and goof and rant and sing and love and even occasionally hate. It's just the theatre has a very small capacity and performances aren't regularly scheduled. Don't give me that look, Self.)
A while back I said to myself, "Self, why are people so reserved?" Self looked at me with mildly amused scorn and handed me a mirror. "But I'm not reserved with people I know well!" I said. Self rolled its eyes, cocked its head and looked at the ceiling sceptically. "Well, not people I know really, really well and trust and stuff." Self went off to look for a pig to teach German.
Well, you could say I'm from good old Puritan New England. I know it's a cliche and a stereotype, but sometimes cliches fit and sometimes stereotypes are partially based in reality. I was raised by my family. My family are world class (how to put this nicely) subtle communicators. Our idea of a knock down blowout fight is one very well placed and heavily laden sentence spoken in a matter of fact tone followed by a pause and perhaps in extreme cases a Look.
I have only recently learned how to accept compliments. It's not that my family never showed appreciation, but it was most often more subtle than coming out and making an overt statement. It took me effort as an adult to learn to express that mixture of gratitude and humility that I feel when I get a compliment (plus get passed the embarrassment of being made a fuss over). Still to this day I sometimes get caught off guard and blow it.
Is it nature or nurture? I don't know. But it's hard to overcome, especially when it's reinforced by the society you live. Does it need to be overcome? Well, in some ways it would be good. My best humor tends to only come out when I'm willing to goof and go with it. My most far ranging ideas only come out when I'm not worried about offending or getting into an argument. My deepest feelings only come out when I get some sense that they won't offend, injure, or simply embarrass. Some of that can come out to strangers, if I'm in a don't-give-a-shit attitude, but mostly it comes by phases when I know people. But you only get to know people, really, when you each do that.
There was only one catch, catch-22.
(Really I do laugh and goof and rant and sing and love and even occasionally hate. It's just the theatre has a very small capacity and performances aren't regularly scheduled. Don't give me that look, Self.)