this is different

[eor]

Let me start by saying I am usually very happy to have a chunk of time alone. I tend to use the time to "get things done", whatever that means, or perhaps reset my habits into a shape that I find a little more likable or productive. On Thursday evening I was jotting down little things that I'd like to do over the never week of alone time, looking forward to the chance to work on my life.

All that said, today I was possessed by a feeling of dread. Not a specific dread, just a dread. Perhaps it was because derien's departure process was so hectic and rushed. We usually have a ritual about such things involving arriving early and being somewhat organized. I usually have time and energy to wait with her until she is on her way. Perhaps it was because I'm facing a new boss and new set of responsibilities tomorrow morning. It's not a comfortable thing and my usual comfortable home Sunday night routine is not there either.

Realizing these potential causes, makes the feeling of dread much less real and maybe a tiny bit reasonable. It's nothing world shaking or earth shattering. Just unsettled where I expected contentment. I guess I'm still alive afterall.