I guess I am a pirate
Feb. 1st, 2022 05:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eorIn the Swallows & Amazon's books the character Ruth Blackett goes by the name of Nancy because her Uncle said, "Pirates are Ruth less."
My elder sister named me on her healthcare power of attorney. I know the job. It's my job to say, "No." If the job was to say, "Yes" someone else might have gotten the nod. She worked as a critical care nurse and nurse manager for thirty years, so she got to see exactly the extent to which modern healthcare can keep parts of a body functioning.
I got the first call at 4am yesterday morning. This morning at 1am I had to chose to authorize "comfort care", the industry term for "there is nothing we can do, would you like a narcotic with that?" Once the sun came up I had to manage the expectations of her husband, say "No", and reiterate her specific red lines. So far, it appears to have worked out as best as such things can. Her husband is supposed to meet with hospice this evening. Once she changes to hospice care there will be only one more phone call in the series.
It is such a gray area. You don't want to give up when there is a chance for more life. You need to be aware of everyone else's feelings, their need to process and accept before any "drastic" action (even after such action is clinically inevitable). But also, every minute you delay could be a minute of awful suffering, frustration, and anger for the person who truly has the most at stake in the whole thing. You can't know what it feels like to be in that brain. And when you do know what it feels like to be in that brain, you won't be able to tell anyone.
I don't know if I made the best call. I don't think I made a bad call. I just wish I had more information/knowledge/understanding through the whole process. But most things in life are just winging it. Why should death be any different?
But take my advice folks: name the person who will make medical decisions for you, fill out the paperwork, make sure everyone in your family knows the decision, make sure they know your wishes. Think long and hard before you name your life partner. That's a horrible position to put anyone in. Name someone who can stand back a little, it's hard enough to do when it's not the person who is your partner/lifemate/world. And if you don't name someone, it will fall to your partner if they have legal status or some relative if your partner doesn't have legal status. It can all go pear shaped quite easily.
My elder sister named me on her healthcare power of attorney. I know the job. It's my job to say, "No." If the job was to say, "Yes" someone else might have gotten the nod. She worked as a critical care nurse and nurse manager for thirty years, so she got to see exactly the extent to which modern healthcare can keep parts of a body functioning.
I got the first call at 4am yesterday morning. This morning at 1am I had to chose to authorize "comfort care", the industry term for "there is nothing we can do, would you like a narcotic with that?" Once the sun came up I had to manage the expectations of her husband, say "No", and reiterate her specific red lines. So far, it appears to have worked out as best as such things can. Her husband is supposed to meet with hospice this evening. Once she changes to hospice care there will be only one more phone call in the series.
It is such a gray area. You don't want to give up when there is a chance for more life. You need to be aware of everyone else's feelings, their need to process and accept before any "drastic" action (even after such action is clinically inevitable). But also, every minute you delay could be a minute of awful suffering, frustration, and anger for the person who truly has the most at stake in the whole thing. You can't know what it feels like to be in that brain. And when you do know what it feels like to be in that brain, you won't be able to tell anyone.
I don't know if I made the best call. I don't think I made a bad call. I just wish I had more information/knowledge/understanding through the whole process. But most things in life are just winging it. Why should death be any different?
But take my advice folks: name the person who will make medical decisions for you, fill out the paperwork, make sure everyone in your family knows the decision, make sure they know your wishes. Think long and hard before you name your life partner. That's a horrible position to put anyone in. Name someone who can stand back a little, it's hard enough to do when it's not the person who is your partner/lifemate/world. And if you don't name someone, it will fall to your partner if they have legal status or some relative if your partner doesn't have legal status. It can all go pear shaped quite easily.
