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Over the last few weeks I've been spending a lot of time working in the yard. While I'm doing that, I get time to think about things I'd like to write, but often by the time I get in I'm either too exhausted to write or the words are gone. Later, I might try to find the words, but they are never as eloquent, never quite right. I should have gotten around to saying this sooner. Really years sooner.

I grew up in a privileged situation. Not privileged like rich people who get a few million from their father to start their first business. But privileged in ways I didn't understand at the time. I grew up a white male.

When I was a kid, my family wasn't wealthy, but I didn't worry about surviving the trip to school. In school, the teachers and counselors all assumed that I would succeed and go to college. I got called on, I didn't get called out. I'm sure I was cut slack in all sorts of ways where someone who wasn't as favored might have been given a hard time rather than an easy time. I walked into all sorts of stores and people saw me as a dorky kid not as a potential thief. Later when I got my license and got pulled over by the cops, I immediately thought "am I going to get a ticket? How much will it cost? Will my insurance go up?". It never crossed my mind, "will I die today."

That low level hidden privilege doesn't jump out at you when it is going in your favor. It's just the way life is, right? But really, it's just the way life is for you. Not for everyone. The fact that you don't notice doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

There have been lots of disturbing incidents lately, but the one I found most shocking and eye opening was the incident in central park. Here was a guy just out enjoying the park. He asked a woman to leash her dog, which she should have already done because that's the rule in the park. You really have to watch the video to get the full effect. She threatened to call the police, then called them and acted like he was threatening her and that she was fearful for her safety. She knew exactly what she was doing. She was using her privilege as a weapon just because she didn't want to put a leash on her dog and a black man had the nerve to call her out on it. It is very fortunately that the police looked at the facts (and probably the video) and didn't take the bait. But what if they hadn't. If he had been beaten or killed would she have felt guilty or would her memory have been conveniently changed to her really being in danger and a dangerous man getting what he deserved.

The fact that this woman had the ability to invoke privilege like that shows there is something fundamentally wrong in our society. That the privilege exists to invoke. That someone, anyone, would stoop so low as to knowingly invoke it over leashing a dog. That someone, anyone, would knowingly endanger another person's life in so cavalier a way. That is just fundamentally broken. There is no justification. There is no equivocation. And if you have any morality, any soul there is no not seeing it. It is ugly, but the fact is IT IS.

This is just one incident among many. There should never be a death penalty for drunk driving, even if you pass out in your car in the drive-thru.

It's important to say Black Lives Matter because for so many years those three words have been followed by a silent understood fourth "less". It's not "more" or "differently" or "separately but equally". But erasing all that hidden (and obvious) privilege takes effort and the first part of the effort is acknowledging the privilege and injustice and indifference are there in the first place.

I have noticed Marian McPartland's recent absence from Piano Jazz. She has been hosting the show for 30 years and she didn't start until she had already had a full career, so it's not exactly a surprise she would like to have some time off now and then.

Marian combines great abilities as musician and interviewer. She makes her appreciation for her guest clear and shows admiration without sending it over into worship. Her long musical career allows her to refer to other performers who both she and her guest have performed with or venues where they both worked. For younger performers, she often talks with them about their mentors, who she worked with and they followed. Marian has a wonderful way of downplaying her abilities in the interview and complementing her guest. But her abilities as an improv musician become clear as she plays with guests of all sorts of styles from all sorts of eras.

I hope this absence indicates Marian is taking a well deserved rest and enjoying some things outside the studio for a while. She is a woman of admirable talent who can teach us all a lot more than jazz. She's got class and style.